Gold Coast Pump Owner Asks PumpLife To Find A Linehand Who Is 'Good And Reliable', Trade Says Lucky To Get One With A Full Set Of Teeth

"You'll be lucky to get a cunt with a full set of teeth." That was PumpLife's reply to a Gold Coast pump owner who slid into the DMs, asked for a linehand, and added the one condition the whole trade has spent decades failing to meet: good and reliable.

The request arrived without warning. "I need a line hand for my pump on the Gold Coast, can you sort something up for your story." PumpLife answered "Yeah brah", which every operator in the country recognises as the sound of a promise that will not be kept. The owner followed up with "Thanks bro must be good and reliable." That is when PumpLife told him he had never heard of one.

He took it well. "Hahahahaha," he wrote, then "Straight out." Nobody on the Coast has ever disputed it.

Industry analysts who have never held a hose say the shortlist is thin. A linehand who turns up is rare. One who turns up before the truck is rarer. One who turns up, stays on the line and still has his own front teeth is, according to a pumper at smoko, "basically a unicorn with a licence." Anyone matching the description can slide into the owner's DMs, where the position is open and the standards are, as of now, entirely unmet.

The bar has been set at reliable. The trade is still arguing about the teeth.