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TOXIC MASCULINITY DECLARED ALIVE AND WELL AS ALI MACLEANS REFUSES TO EVOLVE
Fuk ya pronoun’s
TOXIC MASCULINITY DECLARED ALIVE AND WELL AS ALI MACLEANS REFUSES TO EVOLVE
Local testosterone enthusiast Ali Macleans has sent the nation’s emotionally available men into absolute fucking turmoil after delivering a heartfelt reminder that sometimes being a bloke just means talking shit, lifting heavy things and being an absolute liability at a family barbecue.
In a passionate address that could only be described as a TED Talk sponsored by Trenbolone, Macleans explained that real men eat hookers assholes, and generally don’t spend their weekends exploring their inner child.
He then backed up his powerful message by heading straight into the gym, where he proceeded to assault several thousand dollars’ worth of exercise equipment while carrying enough testosterone to kickstart a small cattle breeding operation.
Mental health professionals are reportedly baffled.
“He appears to have replaced every single human emotion with a bench press,” one concerned witness explained.
“And to be fair, the cunt looks unreal.”built like a PUMPY
Sources close to Macleans claim he hasn’t experienced sadness since 2019, although he did reportedly shed a tear when his favourite pre-workout was discontinued.
When questioned about the growing debate surrounding toxic masculinity, Macleans allegedly responded by increasing the weight on his next set and calling everyone a soft cock.
PUMPLIFE understands the official position remains unchanged:
Your mum shoulda swallowed if you have pronouns in ya bio
We’re here to fuck, fight, and we done fighting for today
lift heavy shit and occasionally make extremely inappropriate comments about someone’s missus.
And if that’s toxic masculinity, someone get the boys a fucking hazmat suit.
Anyway, that’s enough personal growth for today, you mad cunts.
Satire, obviously.PumpLife is a satirical publication about the concrete pumping and concrete industry. The stories here are made up for a laugh and are not statements of fact. Any resemblance to a real operator, concreter, pump or smoko is a coincidence.
