Agi Driver Discovers Brakes Are Just A Suggestion After Skipping Docket Notes And Parking Eight Cubes On A Guardrail Above Three Houses

GOOD COUNTRY FARKEN — A full agi has been delivered directly to a guardrail this week, after a driver decided the docket notes were for other people and attempted a cliff-edge street the way he attempts most things: fast, confused and with his eyes closed.

For months, every single order to the job carried the same warning in capital letters: STEEP STREET. CLIFF. HOUSES. COME DOWN SLOW. TURN LEFT INTO THE NEIGHBOUR'S DRIVEWAY. STOP THE BARREL. REVERSE DOWN TO THE PUMP. The batch plant manager also said it out loud, to his face, like a parent.

Authorities confirmed the driver read none of it, heard none of it, and came down the hill like a shopping trolley full of regret.

"It's not a have-another-bite-of-the-apple street, you get wheels in the air on the corner," one linehand said. "Old mate hit the point of no return, shit himself, and stood on the brakes. The brakes looked at eight cubes of mud and said yeah nah."

The truck then slid, nose bar first, into the only thing on the street that had actually read the docket: a guardrail held on by a handful of dynabolts. Those dynabolts are now the sole reason three houses below still have roofs and not a Kenworth in the lounge room.

A workplace psychologist who has never backed anything bigger than a Camry described the driver's decision-making as "a cry for help with a full barrel on it".

The crew then attempted to tow a loaded agi out with a Hilux, which transport analysts have formally classified as "cooked". A proper tow truck turned up several hours later, after the whole crew had stood on the fanciest footpath in the Shire watching a barrel spin for free.

At press time, the docket notes for tomorrow's delivery remain unchanged, on the grounds that the only bloke who needed to read them has proven he fucking won't.

Editor's Note: Nobody hurt. Guardrail undefeated. Read the docket, cockhead.

Satire, obviously.