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Pumpies Officially Second To None After 'Wet Uppppp' Pour Proves Boys Can Lay It Any Angle You Want, And Your Mum's Too
It's all in the hips. Concreters told to watch and learn, sunscreen told to get fucked, your mum told to expect a call.
SUBURBAN AUSTRALIA — A line pump crew has been formally declared second to none this week, after a mid-pour photo captioned "Wet uppppp" confirmed what every concreter secretly knows and every concreter's missus has already found out: nobody lays it like a pumpy.
The image shows a shirtless operator bent over a live hose with his hips locked in, mouth open, tatts out, feeding eight cubes of mud exactly where it needs to go. Behind him a second bloke stands grinning like he's just been told the slab's a double. A third crew member in a bucket hat was spotted at the edge of frame covering his mouth, which analysts believe was either dust or a reaction to the angle.
"There's an art to it," one linehand said. "It's the angles, it's the hips, it's the way we just throw it around. We can pour it any way ya want. Flat, on a slope, round a corner, up a wall. Lock ya mum up or I'll fold her too. Dad as well, we don't discriminate on a pour day."
A concreter in long sleeves and a full hi-vis was seen standing at a respectful distance, which sources confirmed is the position concreters take during every pour and most weekends.
A workplace health officer who has never held a hose counted eleven breached posters and one breached marriage, before admitting the posters were laminated in an office by a man whose hips have not moved since 2009.
Industry analysts confirmed pumpies now hold the title of sickest cunts on site for the ninth consecutive year, with formworkers, steelies and the crane driver all failing to lodge a challenge. The electrician was ineligible as he had already gone home to the pumpy's leftovers.
Sunscreen sales in the area fell to zero, locals confirming "the boys are already glistening, it'd be a waste".
At press time, the slab was in, the hose was washed out, and the operator was last seen eating a servo pie on the bonnet of the ute, shirtless, undefeated, and replying "Wet uppppp" to a DM from someone's mum.
Editor's Note: It's not the size of the pump. It's how you throw it around. Pumpies run the country and most of its households.
Satire, obviously.
Satire, obviously.PumpLife is a satirical publication about the concrete pumping and concrete industry. The stories here are made up for a laugh and are not statements of fact. Any resemblance to a real operator, concreter, pump or smoko is a coincidence.
