Local Pumper Declared Part Cat After Squatting On Top Of Retaining Wall With Fucking Hose Over Shoulder, Gym Bros Told To Sit Down

WESTERN SYDNEY — A concrete pumper has officially been reclassified as a large cat after balancing on top of a retaining wall in a full squat, hose draped over his shoulders, while the mud kept coming and the wall stayed exactly where it was. Sources confirm he asked the nation one question: "Has everyone done their dincel squats today?"

The athleticism on display was described by one linehand as "fucking unreal, and the bloke's not even warmed up." Witnesses say the footing was roughly the width of a smoko pie, the drop was real, and the hose weighed more than most people's personal trainers. He did not wobble. He did not swear. He just sat there, loaded, ready to pounce on the next cube.

Industry analysts confirmed this is the exact agility that people who think pumpers are shit have never once bothered to notice. "Fitness influencers charge $200 a month for a bar and a mirror," said a workplace physio who has never held a hose. "This cunt does it for free with the whole street watching."

At press time the wall was full, the squat was held, and every gym bro in the district was reportedly rethinking their leg day. Satire, obviously.