FIGHT DESK
Two Blokes Settle Highway Dispute With Slow-Motion Headlock And Gentle Slap, Ringside Comedian Rules It Less Violent Than A Passive-Aggressive Work Email
HIGHWAY SHOULDER, SOMEWHERE IN TEXAS — Two men in thongs and shorts have squared off beside a ute on a live road, and the verdict is in: it was the softest fight ever staged on bitumen. Comedian Chinedu Ogu watched the footage and ruled that he has read angrier emails, which is the most brutal review a fight can get.
The bout opened with a bald bloke in a blue shirt tipping his head back like a man trying to dodge a boom swinging past his ear. His opponent, in a white tee and a bandana, answered with a headlock that had all the menace of a mate pulling you in for a hug at the pub. Then came the slap. One arm rose high, and everything after it landed with the force of a wet sponge.
"That's a pour with the vibrator turned off," said a linehand who watched it twice at smoko. "Lots of effort, nothing's moving, and somebody's gonna have to pick it up in the morning."
A fight analyst who has never been hit by a kicked hose said the real story was the footwear. Nobody has thrown a proper punch in flip-flops since 1987, and the slides were barely holding the road.
The clip is credited to @dj_joey_jam, and it has now been shared further than either man has ever thrown a punch. The cars sailed past without slowing, because even traffic has standards.
Satire, obviously.PumpLife is a satirical publication about the concrete pumping and concrete industry. The stories here are made up for a laugh and are not statements of fact. Any resemblance to a real operator, concreter, pump or smoko is a coincidence.
