LUCKY CUNT
Matt Wood Chips A Tree Straight Into His Own Windscreen And Walks Away, Because Thank God For Polycarbonate
CAROLINA PASTURE — One pass of the mulcher, one tree turned to shrapnel, and one sheet of polycarbonate standing between Matt and a completely different afternoon. The skid steer was chewing through standing timber when the splits came back through the cab like the tree had a grudge, and the man is still here because a clear plastic panel did its job. Lucky as fuck doesn't cover it.
"Thank God for polycarbonate," said Matt, delivering the most sincere sentence ever spoken inside a cab. Nobody in the history of forestry has meant four words more.
Operators who watched the footage went quiet, then went and put a hand on their own windscreens. "That's the fucking sound of a tree finding out where you sit," said one linehand, who has since tried to book a cage for every machine he owns. A safety consultant who has never been inside a skid steer advised that the lesson here is to avoid trees. Matt's lesson is shorter: don't wake the guy up, and be grateful for the plastic.
He's clearing the pasture for chicken coops, goat houses, pig pens and gardens, which makes the tree the most dangerous thing on site and the only thing that has tried to kill him before a single hen moved in.
The chickens haven't even arrived and the pasture has already had a crack at the landlord.
Satire, obviously.PumpLife is a satirical publication about the concrete pumping and concrete industry. The stories here are made up for a laugh and are not statements of fact. Any resemblance to a real operator, concreter, pump or smoko is a coincidence.
