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Western Sydney Pumping Industry Officially Declared Fucked After Operator Records Zero Jobs Monday, Three Jobs Wednesday, No Explanation
Economists baffled as local pump operator experiences entire boom-and-bust cycle in 72 hours, with piers to show for it.
DOONSIDE — A local pump operator has officially declared the concrete pumping industry "fucked" after experiencing a full economic cycle between Monday and Wednesday, authorities confirmed from a half-poured slab in Sydney's west.
Monday, described by witnesses as a "beautiful day", saw the operator sit at home with zero jobs. Tuesday brought two. By Wednesday, three, delivered on what the man confirmed was also crazy hair day at work.
"What the fuck is going on?" the operator asked, standing beside a line of pier holes that at least had the decency to get filled. "Is there too many pumps? Not enough concreters? Too many concreters fighting over the same fucking job and nobody getting it?"
Industry analysts have confirmed all three theories are correct, as well as a fourth, which is that nobody knows.
A linehand on site reportedly offered the only explanation the industry has accepted to date: "Builders book Monday, cancel Monday, then remember on Tuesday they've got a crane coming Thursday."
A workplace economist who has never seen a cube of mud said the pattern was "consistent with a healthy, well-regulated construction sector", before being asked to leave.
At press time, the operator confirmed he was "fucking over it", would post more videos later, and would be back Thursday for whatever the fuck Thursday is.
Editor's Note: Monday's weather was wasted. Wednesday's mud was not. Australia remains undefeated.
Satire, obviously.
Satire, obviously.PumpLife is a satirical publication about the concrete pumping and concrete industry. The stories here are made up for a laugh and are not statements of fact. Any resemblance to a real operator, concreter, pump or smoko is a coincidence.